Jokes on Computer Technology: Computer Jokes

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Check out how some people are so stupid regarding computers..... >DON'T FEEL STUPID >If you've ever felt computer illiterate and just a little embarrassed >about your technical skills, check out the following, from >the Wall Street Journal (sent to me courtesy of World Net Daily): >True story from a Novell NetWare Sysop: >Caller: "Hello, is this Tech Support?" >Caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my >warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?" >Tech: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?" >Caller: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer." >Tech: "Please excuse me. If I seem a bit stumped, it's because I am. >Did you receive this as part of a promotional at a trade show? How >did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?" >Caller: "It came with my computer. I don't know anything about a >promotion. It just has '4X' on it." >At this point, the Tech Rep had to mute the caller because he >couldn't stand it. He was laughing too hard. The caller had been >using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder and snapped >it off the drive. >A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. >The tech asked her if she was running it under "Windows." The woman >responded, "No, my desk is next to the door. But that is a good >point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window >and his printer is working fine." > >* Tech Support: "O.K. Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at >the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the >screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager." >Customer: "I don't have a 'P.'" >Tech: "On your keyboard, Bob." >Customer: "What do you mean?" >Tech: "'P' on your keyboard, Bob." >Customer: "I'm not going to do that!" > Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" >to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the >Any Key is. > > AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was >hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be >the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in. > > Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective >diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along >with photocopies of the floppies. > >Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to >fax anything. After 40 minutes of troubleshooting, the technician >discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it >in front of the monitor screen and hitting the "send" key. >A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged > tech explained that the computer's "bad command" and "invalid" >responses shouldn't be taken personally. > > A confused caller to IBM was having troubles printing documents. He >told the technician that the computer had said it "couldn't find >printer." The user had also tried turning the computer screen to face >the printer but that his computer still couldn't "see" the printer." > >An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn't get >her new Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was >plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed >the power button. Her response, "I pushed and pushed on this foot >pedal and nothing happens." The "foot pedal" turned out to be the >mouse. > >* Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her brand-new >computer wouldn't work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in >and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When >asked what happened when she pressed the power switch, she >asked "What power switch?" > > Another IBM customer had troubles installing software and rang for >support. "I put in the first disk, and that was OK. It said to put in >the second disk, and I had some problems with the disk. When it said >to put in the third disk, I couldn't even fit it in...." The user >hadn't realized that "Insert Disk 2" meant to remove Disk 1 first. >In a similar incident, a customer had followed the instructions for >installing software. The instructions said to remove the disk from >its cover and insert into the drive. The user had physically removed >the casing of the disk and wondered why there were problems. Check out LiveWire's Teen Forums, College Forums, Teen Advice, Teen Quizzes, Peer Support, Teen Help, Message Boards, and Professor Reviews sites.

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Bidis (pronounced bee-dees) are thin unfiltered cigarettes hand-wrapped in brown
leaves and tied with short pieces of thread. School kids under 18 buy them because they are
cheaper than the cost of regular cigarettes and come in a variety of flavors including
root beer, orange, lemon-lime and strawberry. Teens might ask, "If they come in all
these cool flavors then how could they be harmful?" Well, Bidis have two to three times
more nicotine than regular cigarettes! And 44 percent of teens that smoke Bidis smoke
them because they think it isn't addictive or dangerous to their health. Because Bidis
deliver greater doses of nicotine to the bloodstream, they are far more addictive than
cigarettes. Also, Bidis, like cigarettes cause health issues such as cancer, heart disease,
high blood pressure, and many other serious health problems.

1. Drugs mess with your mind
Drug use can cause you to lose your ability to remember things, to think clearly and to
study properly. Drug use gives you the impression that you are more alert and
aware, but under the influence of drugs you are actually less aware, and less alert.
Drug use can also cause people to act in strange unpredictable ways. A person can
undergo a complete personality change when under the influence of drugs. Since
drug residues can remain in the body for many years after they were taken, the
effect on the mind can last a long time. Don't lose your mind! Avoid drugs.
2. Drugs mess with your body
Drug use can make you ill and an overdose can kill. Drugs are poisons after all. The list
of diseases you can catch as a result of using drugs is very long and includes
Hepatitis C, HIV and AIDS. Since drugs also use up your body's supply of vitamins
and minerals, you become more prone to diseases. Many drug users suffer
from malnutrition as a result of their habit. Why be a loser? Stay healthy!
3. Drugs mess with your wallet
Drug use interferes with your ability, which can make it harder to earn money. In the long
run, the more competent a person is in a job, the more likely that such a person
will earn a higher salary. However a person under the influence of drugs is quite
likely to make expensive mistakes and be incompetent. That is unemployment
waiting to happen.
Also, a drug habit can be REALLY expensive (up to hundreds of pounds per day!) and
this is why many addicts are forced into crime. Don't waste your money. Drugs are
the ultimate betrayer - you pay big money to destroy yourself.
4. Drugs mess with your travel plans
Anyone convicted of drugs offences will not be allowed entrance into some countries
such as Japan, Canada and USA.
Why lose exciting opportunities to travel?
Why limit your options as to where you want to work & live?
Many people like to work abroad, particularly in the USA, for a time during their career.
This would be impossible with a criminal record.
5. Drugs mess with your life
Drug use that seems a "cool" idea in the beginning can turn into a living nightmare that
includes accidents, hospitalisation, a life of crime, a criminal record, hurting those
you love, destroyed relationships, a prison sentence and death. Drug users often lose
their enthusiasm for life, give up sports and hobbies etc, in their fixation on the
next score for their habit. Taking drugs definitely gives you a new lifestyle, but it is
the lifestyle of a sad loser with no prospects.
6. Drugs mess with the planet
Many drugs are grown in Third World countries. The drug barons involved cut down
forests for space to grow the drugs, thus destroying the natural habitat for thousands
of creatures and upsetting the ecological balance.
It is true that natural forests are cut down for constructive reasons by legitimate
companies, but there are laws in place which compel those companies to plant new
forest as replacements. Drug criminals, needless to say, ignore these and all other
laws. Buying and taking drugs encourages more natural forest to be destroyed.
7. Drugs mess with society
Criminals manufacture and sell drugs. They do not care what effects the drugs have on
their victims; they are only interested in the money. These criminals terrorise
ordinary people and society, using violence against anyone who tries to stop them.
These criminals establish a social environment where there is no respect for law &
order, only respect for violence. This generates fear, suspicion and misery in our
communities. This destabilises society and could lead to its disintegration.
Buying and taking drugs supports this criminal infrastructure.
8. Drugs mess with your love life and fertility.
There is evidence that abuse of drugs can lead to impotence in males. Certainly, abuse of
drugs in females can affect unborn children, with the babies of drug addicts far
more likely to be underweight and to suffer from birth complications.
The damage that drug use can do to one's physical appearance is very obvious.
9. Drugs mess with your hopes and dreams.
Drug addicts, when craving their next fix, often do not care about anything other than the
immediate high demanded. All other considerations, every aspect of normal
human behaviour are ignored in this compulsion. Everyone has hopes and dreams
for the future, but for addicts those hopes and dreams only focus down to where the
next score is coming from. Hopes and dreams for the future? Only despair and
nightmare for addicts.

It can be difficult to say no to alcohol for anyone, but it is especially difficult for those who are quitting or cutting down on alcohol. You can avoid places where drinks are served, but eventually, you will be offered a drink by someone you don't want to explain your alcohol problem to. The best ways to say no are casual, polite responses to an offer, which provide an excuse that can't be argued with. Here are my five top phrases for refusing alcohol.
1. I'm Driving
This is the ultimate excuse. Some people who are quitting alcohol volunteer to be the
designated driver for precisely this reason -- they want to spend time with friends,
but don't want to drink. This response is also great role modelling for others, and
adds to the climate of acceptability of staying sober behind the wheel. Anyone who
pressurizes you to drink after you giving this response isn't worth listening to.
2. No Thanks, I've Just Finished One
What I like about this response is that is so lacking in value judgements about drinking
that no-one can accuse you of being uptight or preachy. How you feel after a drink
is an individual matter, and if you don't want another drink instantly, all it implies is
good personal boundaries around your own comfort. It also shows you are not a
compulsive drinker, and sets the tone for others to pace their drinking too. Yet the
implication is that you might have had a drink if you felt like one, so this works
well for the type of people who tease and berate those in recovery -- the kind of
companions you may not want as friends, but are sometimes unavoidable in a
social situation.
3. I've Had My Limit For Tonight
This is the best response if you regularly drink with the same people, want to control your
drinking, and have set a limit based on your blood alcohol concentration. Others
will learn over time that you will drink only a certain number of drinks within a
certain amount of time, so they can enjoy sharing a drink with you within those
limits. Controlled drinking is a goal for many people with alcohol problems.
4. I Want to Keep a Clear Head
Variations on this response are, "No thanks, I've got work tomorrow," "No thanks, I've
got an early start in the morning," or "No thanks, I don't want a hangover." This is a
great way of letting people know that alcohol does not rule your life, nor will you
let it interfere with your day to day functioning. Keeping a clear head may not be
important to all drinkers, but it should be to you.
5. I Don't Drink
This response take the most courage, and is the most subject to demands for an
explanation. You may have to put up with being asked if you have a drink problem,
you may have your masculinity or sense of fun challenged, or you may be informed
that, "You can have one drink." But it is the all-round best response for anyone who
is serious about recovery from alcoholism, or who wants to put an end to the
nonsense of peer pressure to drink alcohol.

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